Dear Apple,

It’s been almost two months since you left. Yet it seems like a lifetime of torture. You were our light amid the darkness. Who promised to stay so why did you leave?

I hate you for leaving, but I also hated you for staying. Hated no longer hate for now that you are gone; I seem to miss you. Miss hearing your name from her mouth and seeing the smile that you were able to place on her face. Something that I couldn’t provide. Something that it seems I’m not able to provide. The happiness you brought to which I was envious of allowed me to hate you. I more than hated you. You took her away when I needed her, and now that you have returned her, it’s all too late. Now the main escape with nowhere to go, for you were mine. My savior once leaves me with questions. Why did you leave her? Why did you leave me?

It hurt each day to hear how happy you were. While I was dying, waiting for you to help me. In the illusion of happiness, you were too blinded to see how it had affected me. Two worlds in between presented me with sides from which to choose. I couldn’t help but depart. The prior experience of being alone never affected me. Until you made me experience loneliness firsthand.

Begging was more of pleading for comfort while your arms were around him. While you hugged her. I screamed I hate you! You were the best thing that happened to her. And in some ways, for me too. For you allowed me to hear what love felt like. Why did you leave?

I served as your mentor in many aspects of our connection, just as you did for me. You helped me understand the feeling of loneliness. Although I wish you had never done it, I appreciate it. You made it possible for me to discover my identity and use my freedom of speech.


I am aware of why you left. Yet I choose to disbelieve, for I  hoped you could have been stronger. Strong enough to be able to battle with enough strength and determination. To hold on... Despite being gone, it appears that you are still present. Every minute, I am reminded of you daily, which is both a blessing and a curse.


I appreciate that you cherished every aspect of her. I want to surpass anything you’ve ever done. You are one of a kind, and I wish the very best for you. Thank you.


Love/Hate,

Athalia  

                                                                            Written by Athalia


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